Schw.im's Legal Stuff!


  1. WHO THIS APPLIES TO:
    Schw.im, otherwise known as Schwim, me, I, we or us and the visitor of the website, known as The Visitor, you, them, him, her, he, she, or that IP address that has spent the last 28 hours posting A/S/L requests in the comments of the NSFW category.

  2. WHY WE ARE BOTH HERE
    1. US:
      1. What: We are here to post links to interesting, funny or amazing content on the web. We don't create the content, we can't vouch for the content and we have never touched the content in it's private place. We simply regurgitate the content that is found on the web.
      2. Why: Schwim's ultimate goal is to own a fully restored classic VW. He plans to do that by making money with this site. Right now, the plan isn't working well at all for him. He drives a 1997 Ford F-150 that he can only drive on flat roads or the brakes freeze up and has to remember to add a quart of oil for every two tanks of gas. It also has two different colored mirrors and the interior smells like cat urine.
      3. How: Schw.im will attempt to become filthy rich by advertising and offering premium services. He won't sell your personal data, email address, friend's lists, email history, private conversations or any of the other stuff that Facebook does to you and that you're OK with. He's better than that.
    2. YOU:
      1. What: You are here to both give and receive some of the interesting, funny and amazing content we alluded to earlier. You are also to make friends that will last a lifetime, learn life-lessons and walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Then you will spray some Febreeze in them before giving them back.
      2. Why: Because you have time to kill.
      3. How: Alright, it's clear that you didn't need the 'Why' or 'How' portion of the terms of service. Due to Schwim's OCD, however, it will remain for the sake of balance. Gotta go to K-Mart.

  3. REASONS YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE
    We really, really want you to hang out with us. We will put up with almost anything from you in an effort to keep from ostricizing you. There are some things however, we simply can not stand for. I mean, it simply drives us batshit crazy. Here's a short list of things we'd rather you not do:
    1. Sell your stuff. That's why we're here. There's not enough room on this site for more than one entrepreneurial endeavor and we called dibs on it.
    2. Harass or mistreat others. We at the site are lovers, not fighters. Don't make us kick your ass for being crappy. Use your inside fingers.
    3. Be a script kiddy. Don't hack our stuff. It's our stuff. It's not perfect, but we love it. If you want to make it look like you hacked our site for your friends on IRC, shoot us a message and we'll post your defacement page for you somewhere on the server so you can link it. .:5chwiM:. gives a shoutout to his homies on H4ckz0R5.com!
    4. If you're not human. Google uses the slogan 'Don't Be Evil', so we completely trust them. If you're not Google, then you better not be a bot, cyborg, automated script or computer program. You should be a human.
    5. Other stuff that we haven't thought to list. Basically, if you think it might not be allowed, save it for Ebaumsworld. They love that kind of stuff.

  4. THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T ADHERE TO ALL THE STUFF LISTED IN 2
    If you do something that we simply don't approve of, you will at the very least get a strongly-worded and thoroughly spell-checked email from us. If you continue to do things we don't approve of, then you can expect to be rolled up the penalty volcano with stops at the floors labeled 'loss of priveleges' 'time out corner' and finally 'account suspension'. Yeah, we know all about the sheer futility of trying to keep someone from using the site. You've got TOR installed, 37 webmail accounts and a lot of free time. One thing you will not have, however, is your nifty username that you liked so much. Nanny nanny boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo. If what you do is super-bad and requires notification of law enforcement of some kind, we will look up the number to 911 and call them without hesitation.

  5. OUR STUFF IS OUR STUFF EXCEPT WHEN IT'S NOT AND YOUR STUFF HAD BETTER BE YOUR STUFF
    We're usually not smart enough to create our own content, but on those rare occasions when we do, we ask that you please respect our ownership and don't steal it. If you post content that you state is yours, it should actually be yours. Don't get our asses in hot water by posting stuff that you know isn't yours and should not be shared. If you share content with us, you need to understand that we will use it on the site. Don't share your stuff if you don't want it shared. If you are the owner of content that you find on our site and you don't want it here, please shoot us a message and ask us to remove it before suing us into the stone age. Providing we can confirm that you actually own the content, we will take that stuff down faster than you can say 'OHJESUSPLEASEDONTSUEUSPLEASEDONTSUEUSPLEASEDONTSUEUS!'

  6. WE AREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT THAT ISN'T OURS
    Remember that content we keep telling you is stuff that you, the user posts? Well, not to call you dense but we want to make sure that you understand that we aren't responsible for it. If you visit a link posted on the site and upon landing at the destination, your computer explodes, ninjas jump from your closet, your toaster refuses to do anything more than make luke-warm bread or your cat begins barking, that's your deal, man. Don't try to put that on us.


With all that being said, please enjoy your stay and try to be excellent to each other.


Yours until the end of time,
Schwim